Loss
by Nalana
Summary: I never imagined my world could crumble within a matter of hours. I won't forgive him.I can't forgive him. A fic on Remus' thoughts after the deaths of his friends. Will the appearance of the betrayer change his mind?


Disclaimer: I don't own them! A/N: Done for a contest at The Hideaway. HOPEFULLY in time. ( 40 mins to spare >.>)

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I had never been a very large person. Lanky and thin was not only in my genes but when each month you don't feel like eating for nearly a week, well, that will take its toll on you as well. But now as I sit on my couch I feel like I could sink to the floor if I even breathe too deeply. 

My eyes remain fixated on the paper before me. The moving images are stained with the tears I've dropped on them. The lively faces of my two best friends, the Potters, flash from ginning to being lumps draped with sheets as they are floated to the transport. All wisps of life have been snatched away from the dark lord himself they say. 

I'm not quite sure what had shocked me more; their deaths or the fact that I heard about it from the cold headlines of a new medium turned tabloid. My thoughts clog my throat and I feel my shoulders shake once more as they pass over another headline about a brave little Peter Pettigrew and a killer on the loose. I never imagined my world could crumble within a matter of hours. 

"Moony…" My head whips to my left to see the silhouette off a familiar figure hiding within the shadows of my flat. Immediately I skid to the far side of the couch, my feet on the coshins, my heart pounding. 

"Moony, please!" The voice quivered as the shape of my best friend came towards me. 

My pulse throbbing I reached for my wand with quivering digits. Everything moved slower in my perception while my thoughts ran ten miles a minute. This was the man they were searching for. This was the thing that had betrayed them all, had betrayed me. The vicious side of my mind screamed. Equally as rampant was the conviction within that there was no way my Sirius could have done this, there had to be some other explination. 

"Listen to me Moony. I know what they're saying." Sirius said cautiously as he saw my hand resting against my wand. "You have to believe me. I didn't do it!" 

"But they're dead! You knew them better then anyone!" I hear my voice leak out in creaks. "You had to know they were there!" 

The man, his face marked with exhaustion pushes his hands forwards to signal for me to stop as I raise my wand to him. He doesn't have to. That other part of me is screeching at me wondering why I would do something as insane as this. When had the world come to this point of degradation where your enemy or ally was so horribly difficult to distinguish? 

Suddenly Sirius let his hands down to his side. His shoulders shrank. His face contorted. Simply he shook his head at me. My own face buckled in confusion. 

"Remus…" His voice is heavy. "If you of all people in this world will not believe me… who is left that will? Who can?" 

The grip on my hand loosens lightly as the tension in my arm slackens. The canine Animagus used this opportunity to inch forward. He Drops to his knees in front of me his eyes glimmer with tears. My stomach begins to ache anew. Never in all my years of knowing the man before me have I seen the trails of salty water that normally decorate my cheeks. 

The next thing I know his forehead is pressed against my knee that's sprawled across the piece of furniture. His shoulders shake violently and in a heartbeat my reservations are pushed aside. Leaning down I pull him up and hug him tightly. My memories pulled me back in time to time. 

Dawn spreads across the ground outside. My twisted form reformatted by Luna's full glory changes once again. An anguished howl turns into a twisted scream as my body structure reconstructs itself. Three animal figures around me transform, less painfully, back into human forms. As I regain my normal appearance I falter. One pair of arms is there to catch me as I collapse. 

Wrecked and tender from the monstrous changes that had come to me soft words of comfort are whispered into my ear. A caring hand swipes sweat tinged strands of hair out of my laden eyelids. That was the first time I had not been crumpled alone in a pile of my own blood and fur. 

Those painful yet beautiful recollections cause me to hold the grief stricken figure in my arms tighter. For once I have been given chance to protect him. I pull back to look him square on. Before I can reassure him with words he pulls back from me jumping to his feet. 

"No! no. no. no. no!" He mutters half screaming. I'm on my feet trying to center him as he starts pacing in circles and in jagged lines. 

"If they can't find me, they'll turn on you! Remus! They'll pin this on you somehow. Those rotten pricks! They'll only use it as an excuse to legally lock up a werewolf." 

"Sirius." I frown, as I grab his arm. " You'll be framed with three cases of murder!" 

"SO WILL YOU!" He screams at me, taking a hold of my shoulders. 

" Then let me be." My voice is steady. "You said it yourself, they've been looking for an excuse to do so anyway." 

Sirius shakes his head and lets go of me. I hold on tightly. If I let go he'll run away. And he will be killed. Or worse, he'll be caught. The thought of Sirius being thrown into the bowels of Azkaban makes me nauseous. 

"Forgive me, Remmi." He pleads as he roughly shakes from my grasp. Loosing my balance I stumble backwards into my coffee table. I hear the distinctive shattering of glass and the piercing of my skin and I know the surface of the piece I landed on is no more. I try to leap up again but another sound comes. The great thundering sound of my door exploding and the rush of Aurors into my living room fill my ears. 

I don't hear their words of 'reassurance' to me. All I see is the look of horror on Sirius' face as they place an immobilizing curse onto him. They start to question me and my friend starts raving about trying to finish me off. I try to retort but my throat goes dry as he glares at me. Though no words are spoken I know what he's saying. He's telling me if I speak both of us will be put away. And that just might truly break him. 

When the others are gone I finally look down at my bloody forearm only to see shards of my table and water glass poking through. Gritting my teeth I grasp the slick pieces between my fingers. For every stab of pain I count them in place of letting tears slip by. My heart is cold and resolved.

I can't forgive him. I won't. Not for the supposed murder, I know it couldn't have been him. What I refuse to let go of is his rejection of my help. Never had he made me feel worthless until this moment. Never had I been so abandoned. Never had I been betrayed. Even though one still breathes, there is no longer a friend such as my fellow Marauders that I have left in this world. 


End file.
